Merry Christmas Jason, I still miss you. I hope everyone has a happy holidays and spend as much time with family as they possibly can.

Beautiful words Conine. It's fine if you're writing this for yourself. It's also fine to weed off from the pain - knowing Jason, he would be perfectly fine so long we are happy - as he was truly a selfless person. I do indeed think about him quite often. Not negatively, or at least, most of the time it isn't negative. It's being happy and acknowledging my past with him. You aren't the only one thinking about him. I hope you have a Merry Christmas. I still miss him.

Your niece is beautiful. It’s a tragedy she will never meet you.

As I sat there forced to wait for this train, I couldn’t help but feel what you told me about the train next to our house – and how I got to think about that every time I would hear the train going by. Having moved out in ’22, that was the first time I can recall hearing a train go by, and it was hard not to feel that it wasn’t some kind of sign from you seeing as how you were directly on my mind. I just numbly stared down the tracks at the train continually coming out of the darkness, out of nowhere, until it finally ended, having made its point.

Still, life has a funny way of getting to you through all of it. As I was driving to dance practice – a good 40 minutes away – I always cross over some railroad tracks. And today, when I was missing you and thinking about how today would be the day I would write to you, The crossing guards turned red and dropped right in front of me ( I tried to make it but they literally dropped fast right after the guy in front of me went).