"Alright, look me in the eye and tell me:can Duke Nukem Forever even be classified as a sane,functioning video game? We’re talking about a ragtag crew of chaotic degenerates chasing each other around,blasting away with utterly nonsensical weaponry,shrinking,freezing, splatting,and crumbling into indistinguishable little meat-bits.The achievements are borderline hallucinatory,forcing us to hold hands just to survive the final,agonizing,impossible quests.

First,we have Starnukem,the 'Out-of-Bounds' Prophet. This man treats every tournament like it’s the freaking Super Bowl,organizing matches as if the fate of the entire humanity depended on this game. Then we have Cyan,who treats every waking second as a golden opportunity for spectacular,professional-grade self-suicide.

And don't even get me started on this guy, brotvongestern.He spends entire matches standing perfectly still,like a statue of failure,acting as a human gift-wrap for the enemy team. Yes, the ENEMY. When he’s not a statue,he’s humping a random wall, triggering infinite auto-fire and spraying lead at us for absolutely no ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ reason. He’s also legendary for blockading the cinema entrance with the sole purpose of clogging up the works and bricking the game’s flow.

Then we have our official mascot, notgo. This man tells everyone to "go fuc themselves—unprovoked",naturally while lurking in the ventilation ducts of the Plutonium Plant,desperately clawing for a single point since 2011. In every match,he manages to nuke himself with his own rocket launcher,holding the undisputed world record for self-immolation.And the kicker? The man has logged twenty-thousand hours of this misery. We can't forget Ragsycunt,blessed with the most oily, unhinged,and delirious cackle in the entire community. Or PapyDuke, who even at ninety years old,still manages to wipe the floor with notgo. And there's more.

Jag Taggart is apparently a connoisseur of extreme bondage, while Mackintocke holds the Guinness World Record for getting kicked out of the group for his disturbing social etiquette and for inappropriate behavior. Finally, there’s Troll, who spends his weekends at the funfair eating his mommy’s pancakes, while in-game he’s busy going out of map while collapsing into black holes and cosmic singularities of his own making. Now, I ask you... does any of this sound even remotely, biologically normal to you?"