Give me knife

Just took a huge fart under the blankets

playing cs2 is like trying to quit caffeine by switching to crack. you queue up thinking “maybe this will be the game” and instead you get five teammates who installed the game 12 minutes ago and one enemy who thinks he’s auditioning for a frag movie that nobody will ever watch. you will play against some of the most clueless human beings to ever touch a keyboard and still lose 13-2. not because they’re good. not because they’re smart. but because somehow every single round devolves into five people crouch walking into an awp one by one. you can know every smoke, every flash, every angle, have perfect crosshair placement, and still get deleted by a guy running full speed with a deagle who has never once heard the word “counter-strafe.” i have never in my life seen so many people ignore basic fundamentals and be rewarded for it. it’s like the game senses when you’re trying to play correctly and personally decides to humble you.

my blood pressure has hit numbers usually reserved for medical documentaries. my heart rate spikes every time i hear footsteps because i know it’s about to be some low iq wide swing that makes absolutely no sense and works anyway. if you told me this game was coded by a committee of demons whose only goal was psychological warfare, i would believe you without hesitation. this game is technically free, but the hidden cost is your sanity, your friendships, and possibly a few years off your lifespan. i genuinely think i would find more inner peace arguing with a woman than solo queueing another match. please, for your own wellbeing, draw a picture. learn an instrument. stare at a ceiling fan. anything is healthier than this.

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